People often think they can’t pursue mediation because they and their ex aren’t amicable toward each other or because their assets are too significant for successful mediation. As a Certified Mediator and Family Law Attorney, I’ve seen couples in all stages of financial and interpersonal situations successfully mediate their divorces. In this blog, I’m debunking three common myths I often hear about mediation and why these sentiments are misguided.
Myth 1: “It’s Only for Couples Who Get Along”
This is perhaps the most common myth regarding mediation, so let me set the record straight: No, you and your ex don’t need to be best friends to use mediation! Mediation isn’t meant for couples who are in perfect harmony with each other. Although if you and your ex are still very cordial, that’s a bonus, but in no way is this a requirement for mediation. Mediation is for those who want a path to a successful divorce in a collaborative atmosphere. Even if you and your ex struggle to be amicable or if there’s an issue in your divorce that you cannot agree on, mediation can still be a successful option.
During the mediation process, I help facilitate respectful, goal-oriented communication between both parties. I often give each party a chance to speak as we work through issues, and I do not allow interruptions to ensure they have the opportunity to share their thoughts and feelings and listen to each other. Simply allowing people to speak and feel heard goes a long way when striving for a collaborative divorce process.
Myth 2: “Mediation Won’t Work for Complex Cases”
Another common myth I hear is that mediation is only for “simple” divorces. As a divorce and family law attorney, I can assure you that “simple” rarely happens, and many divorces involve some complex aspect, whether it’s property and asset division, alimony, or child custody. Complexity does not disqualify you from mediation by any means. In fact, mediation can be even more preferable than litigation, as a judge will decide the outcome if your divorce goes to the courtroom.
For instance, if you and your ex both have high net worths, you’d likely prefer to have a say in the division of your assets rather than allowing that decision to be made in court. The same principle applies to those navigating other complex issues, such as child custody. People are often more satisfied with the outcome of mediation when compared to litigation because their concerns and feedback will be considered when deciding the outcome.
Mediation not only gives you a greater say but also allows you to engage outside professionals, such as accountants, financial advisors, and child experts, as part of the process. Their expert and professional guidance can be incredibly helpful for reaching a successful outcome in complex situations.
Myth 3: “You Have to Settle Everything in One Session”
The final myth I want to debunk is that mediation is a one-time meeting. Many people believe mediation won’t work for them because they have too many issues to resolve, and one session simply won’t suffice. Mediation can be very self-paced to address the key issues in your divorce fully. In most cases, mediation usually involves a series of sessions lasting from 90 minutes to 3 hours each, with different issues being addressed in each session rather than a one-time meeting that covers everything.
The multiple-session approach offers numerous benefits, with one of the most impactful being the time between sessions. This time allows for reflection, gathering additional information or documentation, and consulting with other professionals. When making important decisions, people often give the somewhat cliché advice of “sleep on it” or “everything looks better in the morning.”
While these phrases may be a bit platitudinal, they serve as excellent advice for those navigating the divorce process. For instance, if you and your ex reach an impasse over your custody arrangement, instead of declaring that your mediation has failed, you could request to end the session for the day and re-address the issue next time with renewed clarity. Many times, mediation takes 3-6 months to complete for reasons such as these, with 80% leading to a successful resolution.
When Mediation Might Not Be the Right Fit
While I am a certified mediator, I am also a family law attorney, which gives me a unique perspective on divorce and mediation. I would be remiss not to address the times that mediation should not be pursued, regardless of how well it may work for other couples. Mediation is likely not the right option for you if:
- There is a significant power imbalance (emotional, financial, or otherwise)
- Your relationship has a history of domestic abuse, violence, or intimidation
- One party refuses to participate in good faith
I would likely recommend litigation or a more structured legal process to provide better protection in cases where these factors are present. A good attorney will help assess whether mediation is safe and appropriate for your unique situation.
Final Thoughts
Even if you don’t get along with your ex and your divorce involves complex issues, mediation is a powerful tool for those seeking a collaborative and future-focused resolution.. I encourage you to consider mediation as an alternative to litigation, especially if you previously thought that one of the three myths would prevent mediation from being an option.
If you’re considering mediation as an alternative to litigation, I’d love to talk to you. Please contact the Law Offices of Kerri Cohen at (410) 657-2515 or [email protected] to learn more and schedule a consultation.
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